Moving Advice for Military Families with Kids
Many Hawaii Families Face Periodic Relocations
When a family moves, and children and teenagers leave their friends, start a new school, and need to make new friends, it’s a significant event in their lives. Moving is a reality many families in our areas have faced (or will face), and parents are understandably left looking for answers.
Current estimates are that more than 100,000 U.S. Military personnel and their families live in Hawaii, with a significant portion in Oahu and the Honolulu area.
Our Wellness Counseling child and adolescent therapists are often asked how to help kids and teens deal with the emotional adjustments that a move requires. Losing familiar people and surroundings and adjusting to new ones is a major life event.
We’re pleased to offer our thoughts and general advice in this article and encourage you to call the office for an appointment. We offer individual and family therapy in Hawaii for any need you, your kids, or teens may have. If it relates to a recent or expected move, our counselors offer help and support.
Moving with Kids: What to Expect and Do
The challenges of adapting to new schools, leaving behind established friendships, and forming new connections can be overwhelming, especially initially. Here are some insights and strategies that our Honolulu therapists typically share with parents in military families to help their kids cope during these transitions.
First, understand the impact of moves. Parents need to understand the psychological effects of moving on children and teens. Each deployment can evoke feelings of loss, anxiety, and uncertainty. Kids often face the stress of making new friends while simultaneously mourning the relationships they leave behind. They may experience:
- Struggles with self-esteem: Kids may feel insecure about their ability to fit in or find a place in a new environment.
- Anxiety and stress: The unknowns that accompany a move can be a source of significant anxiety, which may manifest in behavior changes or even physical symptoms.
- Social challenges: Young children might not fully grasp why they’re moving, while teens may struggle with the complexities of leaving relationships at a critical time in their development.
Recognizing these feelings is the first step in supporting children through transitions. Each person will react uniquely, and if you move more than once, some transitions may be more challenging than others.
Open Communication is Always Essential
One of the foremost strategies child and adolescent counselors recommend is maintaining open lines of communication. Parents should encourage their children to express how they feel about the move. Regular family discussions can help:
- Validate feelings: Letting kids know it’s normal to feel sad or anxious can help them process their emotions.
- Encourage expression: Engaging in conversations about their feelings through direct discussions or creative outlets like art or journaling can help kids articulate their experiences.
- Promote questions: Encouraging children to ask questions about the move or their new home can help reduce anxiety by providing them with more information.
Keeping the lines of communication keeps everyone more comfortable and allows you to discuss and work through concerns before they become more significant problems. Some things may come up more than once over the weeks and months of the transition to a new school and friends,
Creating a Sense of Stability at Home
Another important priority is to create a sense of stability amidst the chaos of moving. Obviously, it’s easier said than done, but there are things you can do intentionally to give kids a feeling of greater stability.
- Rituals and routines: Maintaining familiar family routines, such as weekly game nights or family meals at the same time each evening, can provide comfort and structure.
- Personal belongings: Allow children to keep as many favorite items as possible during the move. Focusing on familiar possessions can remind them of their previous home and provide a sense of security.
- Visual aids: Consider using visual schedules to outline the moving process, which can help younger children understand what to expect next.
Stable home lives benefit kids in many ways throughout their childhoods, and it becomes more important than ever during a move. Moves are naturally chaotic, and kids can adapt, but creating stability is always a priority.
Consider Including Children in Move Planning
Appropriately involving children in some parts of the planning process can give them a sense of control and investment in their new home. Some aspects you may consider include:
- Planning their new spaces: Allow children to help decide how to set up their new room. This way, they can create a personal space that feels welcoming and familiar.
- Exploring the community: Before or shortly after the move, research potential places to visit in the new area, such as parks, museums, or local attractions. Planning these outings can create excitement about the new environment.
Some kids may want more involvement than others, and it’s helpful to be attuned to their personalities and include them to the extent it is beneficial.
Be Encouraging About School Activities
Help your kids be proactive in finding out about extracurricular activities or clubs at their new school that align with their interests. This can help them find social groups to meet friends—making new friends is one of the most significant challenges kids and teens in military families face after a move.
- Encourage participation: Suggest that your child join local clubs, sports teams, or community events where they can meet other kids. This proactive approach helps them to establish social ties more quickly.
- Host a gathering: Organizing a small gathering or inviting neighbors over can allow your child to meet new peers in a more relaxed environment.
Also, encourage your kids to stay in touch with old friends through video calls, social media, or messaging apps. Maintaining these connections can provide emotional support during the transition.
Mental Health Professionals Can Help
Sometimes, children may need additional support to work through their feelings during transitions. Family therapists like ours can offer valuable coping strategies and insights tailored to the child or teenager’s individual needs.
- Individual therapy: If a child exhibits signs of severe anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues, seeking professional help can be crucial.
- Family therapy: Involving the whole family in therapy can promote healthy communication patterns and adaptive coping strategies.
- Support groups: Many organizations have support groups catering to military families. These groups offer kids the chance to connect with peers facing similar challenges.
Working with a mental health professional during life transitions is appropriate for people of any age. A scheduled time to explore emotions and a personalized treatment plan is always beneficial.
Moving To/From Hawaii with Your Family
While navigating frequent moves can be daunting for military families, there are numerous strategies parents can adopt to support their kids and teens. By encouraging open communication, creating stability, involving children in the transition, fostering social connections, and seeking professional support when necessary, families can help ease the adjustment process.
When handled well as a family, moving can be an experience that instills resilience in children and teenagers—an invaluable asset for navigating life’s changes, both now and in the future.
Emphasizing the importance of adaptability, military parents can guide their children through moves to and from Hawaii, ensuring they thrive no matter where duty takes them. If you need to see a counselor in Honolulu, our therapists at Wellness Counseling are available for in-person and telehealth appointments.
